My flirtations with online dating began when I was 17. I was in the first year of my Information Technology course, a 3-year diploma program. I had acquired a personal computer for my studies, along with access to the much talked about Internet.
Prior to that, the only contact with women I had came from school, which wasn't anywhere close to success. For 2 years before, I had been “romancing” a girl, who was also the one I had the biggest crush on.
I was a skinny, frail kid then. When I was 7 years old, my parents told me that no girl was ever gonna want me if I remained skinny, and I believed them.
With my crush (at 14 years old), things didn't get any better. I didn't learn anything about women. All I had in mind was that I was skinny, therefore she wouldn't like me. But I had believed that sincerity was the key to getting her, so I put all my heart into chasing and doing things that would make her like me. I wanted to prove myself wrong and beat the odds. But those 2 years ended in tears.
With the Internet, I thought maybe it was easier for me to get to know women. After all, they wouldn't know what I looked like. So surely they had to rely on personality first.
I downloaded a program called IRC, which was a text-based software with multiple chatrooms. Back then, there were no pictures, no profiles. The other thing stopping the other party from talking to you was your first message.
Founder of the Authentic Gentleman.
Jiron Tan is an entrepreneur, a writer, and an online dating coach. He has changed the lives of men with his simple, natural and efficient approach to online dating. His clients have dated air stewardesses, dancers, and models, all of whom came from dating sites.
But I didn't know how to start.
Me in the clueless days.
For a short period of time, "hi" got me nowhere. I deduced on my own that everyone would probably attempt to say the same thing as well. It wasn't smart, it was just common sense.
So I learnt very quickly that I had to differentiate myself from the masses. I tried all sorts of lines, but because of the limited interface, pick-up lines can seem very fake. I went for something short, simple and yet different – "Good day, milady."
I knew other people wouldn't do the same, and it set me apart instantly. Who the hell addresses a woman as milady in 1998? It got me the conversation starter I needed. And along the way, I learnt. I learnt to innovate on my own with my second sentence, and then my third sentence.
It was progressive, but effective.
But I didn't have a mentor, and I was trial-and-erroring all the way. If I made a mistake, I wouldn't be able to spot it. My only guess was when the lady on the other end stopped replying.
Through some luck, and a lot of gut instinct, I was able to get dates. But they were never the type of women I really wanted. Most of them ended up as "one dates", which was my term for seeing a woman only for one date.
Fast forward to 2007.
I was getting pretty decent with online dating. I knew how to start, and I knew how to attract a woman enough to give me her number, but beyond that, it was still a lot of walking in the dark.
By then, I had discovered dating literature online. So I ended up experimenting a lot on my own with all these theories about attraction. But I was still shit with women. The ones I wanted were not attracted to me. Even the ones I didn't want would reject me now and then.
I felt like I still was at the very bottom. And when I thought things couldn't get any worst, I sank even deeper. A few women had started telling my friends that I was weird. The dating literature I had read had messed me up. All the experimentation and changed behaviours were affecting me as a person. I was constantly in my head, always wondering where I stood with the woman, and what technique I needed to pull to get her to like me.
Eventually, I gave up. In a bid to enforce my own rehabilitation, I didn't get out of the house for months. I felt like I had to un-learn all the dating literature I had absorbed over the months.
It took me a while before I cleared my head. By then, my closest friends had found themselves a mentor, a Filipino guy from Texas. In the space of 2 years, I watched 3 of my friends become social rockstars. One even went on to become an international dating coach. All thanks to this guy.
Days I'd rather forget
The revolution began.
In 2009, I finally bit the bait, and went for his workshop. His method was enlighteningly simple. He had stripped away all the bullshit that most gurus were teaching, and gave very simple guidelines. His style was simple – be real, be your best, and be a winner.
I didn't get to mentor much under him, since he was from the other side of the world. But I was lucky. The international dating coach was a friend of mine, and he was based in Singapore as well.
He took me under his wing, and taught me the core lessons of being an attractive man. Because of my affection for online dating, I decided to take all my lessons and adapted it to the online world.
For the next 1 year, I tried everything my brain could come up with. I was rejected repeatedly, with my first messages, my attempts to get the woman's number, and also on dates itself. But I managed to find my very first friend with benefits. Unfortunately, that didn't end well either.
I'll be honest. It wasn't easy. I had broken down in tears more than once, and my second mentor was there to witness the worst of times. I was rejected so many times the thought of giving up occurred at least on 5 separate occasions. But each time, I came back stronger, and more determined.
In 2011, I had a breakthrough.
Giving lessons for the first time
Fresh on the back of the horrible FwB ending, I let loose and went on a dating spree. In the span of two weeks, I managed to get 7 phone numbers from 7 beautiful women, and dated every single one of them.
That was when things began to change. I polished up my online dating strategies. I still failed, but it was with much less regularity. I suddenly had more success stories to share. Amongst my friends, I gained a reputation for being the go-to guy whenever they needed help with online dating.
One of my friends then suggested that I write a book about online dating. I was skeptical, partly because I didn't know if there was a demand for it, and also because I felt like I had some way to go before becoming an authority on this topic.
But I took up the challenge anyway. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this. In 2012, from the month of January till June, I averaged 1 new woman in my life per month, taking the dating process all the way from meet to sex.
The biggest highlight of those 6 months was when I successfully planned a 3some with 2 women, both of whom came from online dating.
Conducting a seminar.
Never feel uncertain again.
But what really cemented my belief was when my second mentor sat me down one day, and asked me, “Can you teach me how to write an effective profile?” That was when I finally decided I was ready to teach whatever I knew.
Since then, my dating life has changed dramatically. I managed to repeat the feat of getting 7 phone numbers from 7 beautiful women within 2 weeks and less, all from online dating sites, and dated every single one of them. I also found a beautiful lady who was into me as much as I was into her. Needless to say, the sex was amazing.
But the biggest rewards of it all are, I never have to worry about feeling uncertain around women again, and I know my dating life is forever taken care of. All these, despite me being a skinny guy.
And you can empower your dating life like I did.
I've always held the belief that if I can do this, so can anyone else.
That is why I set up this website - to show ordinary men that they can achieve their dating goals simply and efficiently. I am a very normal guy. If you saw me on the street, you wouldn't guess that I am an online dating coach.
But I managed to achieve what others have told me I can't. You can do that too. But you have to first believe, and allow me to show you how to create your ideal dating lifestyle, and start living with freedom from anxieties about dating.
Understand this - women already want men. You just need to be that guy.
I wanna see you at the top with me.
To a memorable dating life,