How to Start the First Message (Part II)


In my previous article, I showed you two screen-shots of how I would start a message with women online.

I always wanna make sure that I am grabbing information from her profile. If she doesn’t have much in her profile for me to work with, I’ll go for the pictures she puts up. The key point here is to show her that my message for her is custom, and not some template or pick-up line I found from somewhere.

How to Start the First Message

I also do not generally praise or compliment them, unless it’s something really specific that interests me. For example, I am a huge fan of Stephen King. Any woman who loves his books and movie adaptations is gonna get a vote from me.

The psychology behind not praising or complimenting that comes from the fact that the other 395 men will do that for ya. We want to stand out, be different, and catch her attention. That is why…

The purpose of your first message is to get a reply.


That’s it. No magic tricks, no over-complicated strategies. We just want you to get a reply, so that you can move a conversation forward. If we focus purely on getting her to respond (favourably, if possible), we eliminate a lot of time and effort at typing up a message.

In order to get a reply, we want to think about what type of message will get her to respond. If you reckon her interests and favourite topics are a sealed deal, think again. In actuality, those don’t even need to come into play. They would be a bonus, but not a necessity.

We want to always keep things simple. With that in mind, my personal guideline is to always make the message interesting/witty/funny. You must understand that a good first message is not going to make her jump on you and start humping right away. Neither is it gonna make her want to marry you and run off into the sunset. It’s just gonna make her sit up, take notice of you, and see what you’ve got.

In this sense, it’s her deciding if you are worth her time and effort. Which is precisely why your second message plays a more important part than the first. But focusing on the second message without batting a good first one will be a mistake. So we take it one step at a time.

If the purpose of the first message is just to get her reply, then we don’t need much. Inserting 1-2 ideas/topics/conversational threads is more than enough. Along the way, you will discover more things to talk about as you lead her through the conversation, and as she contributes her fair share. It’s exactly like normal conversation.

You may argue that 1-2 conversational threads can seem too little, but I always like to remind people that no one likes to read a wall of text. It is too tedious to read and requires too much commitment for a stranger.

How to Start the First Message

Now, when I say conversational thread, I don’t mean you start asking her what dishes she likes to cook, what kind of adventures she gets herself into, or where are the places she’s travelled to (assuming she stated all those interests). She’d be likely to answer you if you were the ONLY ONE who asked those questions.

But, guess what? About every other guy who messages her will use those information as well.

And because they want to get a reply from her, they will ask a question. They don’t trust that she will reply to a statement.


After all, in all fairness, there is nothing in it for her to reply to if you merely made statements. Questions, on the other hand, are an instinctual way of obtaining an answer.

Unfortunately, men forget that this is online dating. Which means that people can pause, think about whether they want to respond or not, and then make a decision. And that works against the men who ask all these monotonous, boring and repetitive questions.

Instead of approaching this the low-risk way, we play it differently by engaging her on a higher-risk level. We do not ask mundane questions so soon, we do not praise or compliment her, and neither do we ask for her permission to be friends (I mean, seriously?!).

We subtly imply that we’re different from the masses by messaging her with statements. But they are not any ordinary statements. These statements have the ability to make her smile, laugh or even intrigue.

We don’t need a long wall of text, a thesis, or a persuasion copy. All we need, is our own imagination to create something unique that implies to her that if she doesn’t reply to your message, she might be missing out on someone special.

In my next article, I shall use real profiles, and show you how to create a good first message that she’s likely to want to reply to. We will also take a deeper look at the subtext of the messages we wish to send.


Previous articleHow to Start the First Message (Part I)
Next articleHow to Start the First Message (Part III)
Jiron's attention to detail has given him the ability to quickly pinpoint his clients' blind spots, allowing him to rectify their issues and helping them improve their dating skills at a much faster rate. When he is not busy with his clients, he spends his time helping old people cross the streets. In an attempt to impress the ladies, of course.

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