In 2004, when I began my degree in Creative Writing, the first thing I learnt was to show more, and tell less.
It made an immediate impact on my writing.
I was able to create more of an effect on the reader. The imagery became sharper too. My stories became more captivating, as a result.
Many years later, while thinking of ways to get women to message me first, I recalled this lesson.
The impact of the writing technique convinced me I had to – at the very least – experiment and see how far it can take me.
Instead of writing my profile in the same fashion as almost everyone else, saying things like, “I am adventurous, I am intelligent, I am humourous”, I showed the proof in the pudding.
I described myself with sentences rather than merely words:
“I find intense joy in the things that I do. I believe it’s important that everyone possesses the desire to live life fully.
As cliched as it may seem, you only have one chance at living. So I make full use of my time indulging myself in things that make me excited.”
(The above example was to demonstrate passion, which was one of the traits I wanted to highlight.)
Almost immediately, the effect felt better.
I realised I was on to something, when women replied to my messages telling me that they loved reading my profile.
But I also very quickly found out that I was typing a lot more than usual for a profile.
No one loves a wall of text. Even an avid reader like myself find it a turn-off on a monitor screen.
Streamlining the Profile-Writing Process
I needed to streamline.
That took my experimentation process further.
Instead of portraying 5-6 qualities in my profile, I kept things simple by focusing on my very best traits, opting for a maximum of 3 attractive qualities.
But the qualities I wanted to showcase had to really matter. They cannot be something generic which a lot of people possess; I needed to stand out.
Displaying a quality like “kindness” was not going to make me unique. Every other guy probably wanted to show the same.
Nor did I want to showcase a quality like “creative”, because that isn’t enough incentive to make women want to send me a message.
I needed qualities that would make women stand up, take notice, and think that they might be missing out if they didn’t message me.
So I went ahead and did some research. I started browsing the male profiles on the dating sites that I visit.
I noticed patterns in the types of qualities men said they had.
They typically go two ways:
- Adventurous lifestyle, ready to experience anything, loves life, positive and funny
- Overall good guy, nice, decent, easy-going.
This research took me less than half an hour to finish.
Right after that, I was able to sit down and write a list of the stand-out qualities that I have.
The simple key here is to just be different.
There is no magic, no complicated techniques, no tips and tricks.
I went with humour, a quality that will immediately make a woman feel good while reading my profile.
I also went with ambition, a trait most men rarely make use of.
Finally, to give my profile more impact and allure, I added one last quality – confidence to life.
My intention with that was to show women that I was trustworthy, and able to give them the security they want from a man.
That was it.
Writing the Profile
People often assume that you have to be good at writing in order to craft out an attractive profile.
That cannot be further from the truth.
The ones who can write a really good profile, are the ones who don’t have difficulties expressing themselves.
Unfortunately, the ones who aren’t good at dating generally have that difficulty.
Fortunately, there are a few guidelines that can help you to overcome that:
1) Get into the mood first.
You want to feel the motivation to write your profile.
I do not encourage anyone to start until they start feeling it. You can create that vibe by listening to music that pumps you up.
Personally, I get myself into the lover vibe before I start writing. I do that by listening to R&B and imagining myself seducing the lady.
That gets me into the Ideal Lover mode, which is great for naturally bringing out the languaging I use to write my profile.
2) Be patient about writing your profile.
Haste makes waste.
The more impatient you are to get your profile down, the likelier you are to pen down something that isn’t well-thought out.
For each quality, write down one sentence, and then two, and then slowly create a paragraph out of that.
As in the example above, it will take more than one paragraph to portray your selected quality.
Put thought into it. Don’t rush.
And more importantly…
3) Enjoy what you write.
A simple rule that I follow when it comes to writing anything, is to ensure that I enjoy what I write.
My theory is if I don’t enjoy what I write, others will not enjoy what they read.
I have found this to be true for myself, so I encourage you to stick to the same rule.
It is not easy writing a dating profile.
Even as a writer, I struggled with it in the beginning. The question always seems to revolve around, what do I write?
There is no direction, nor planning. For a lot of people, it is just about writing whatever comes to mind.
But they do not question whether it is an attractive profile or not. They do not attempt to take themselves out of the picture, and see things from a third-person point of view.
If they did, then the initial wave of questions will hit them right after. Questions like, what makes a profile attractive? What do women really want? What should I NOT put in my profile?
These are questions that can be answered if men bothered to take the extra step forward.
Over the years, I have managed to answer those questions posed above and more. Along the way, I simplified the process for myself, as well as for others.
I do that by planning what I wish to write first.
I have always believed that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
By doing so, I cut out the mental clutter, and gain a clear picture of what I wish to convey. That gives me the ability to focus on what I want to write, and saves me the time spent correcting my profile over and over again.
All these, while ensuring that I do not compromise my person, yet manage to craft a dating profile that attracts and intrigues.
The same can happen for you too.
You just have to be willing to take that step forward.