Let’s take a more advanced look at getting the woman’s phone number.
A lot of dating systems out there advise that you should get the number fast. Usually this should occur within 1-3 emails. The reason they give is that, there is no point in wasting time bantering back and forth, only to go nowhere later.
Another reason is because they wish to circumvent the circumstantial conditions that might occur down the road, such as her finding someone new and more interesting along the way, or life getting busy all of a sudden and her forgetting about you.
All those reasons seem perfectly valid, but I beg to differ.
In fact, I see them as excuses that YOU should NEVER use.
The problem with their reason
The implication behind all that is fear. The fear that you are not good enough for her, therefore you need to rush the process of a non-platonic interaction in order to avoid losing the girl.
It is of a scarcity mentality which attractive men DO NOT possess. Attractive men do not worry about losing the girl at the beginning. They understand that she might walk away for a bit (sometimes life does get in the way), but they also understand that she is likely to come back because they are assured in their own attractiveness. And if she does not come back, there is always someone better out there.
We have to bear in mind that this is a lady whom you have not met. So that means you probably do not know her well enough to get hung up on her. Fact is, attractive men do not have time to even consider the possibility of her leaving, because we focus on making her enjoy our company instead.
But more importantly, dating systems that sell you the idea of getting a woman’s number really fast are disregarding the fact that women take time to warm up to you.
A lot of women these days are cautious because of all the horrible stories surrounding online dating. You have the negative press about only ugly people ever using online dating. You also have the side stories about men turning psychos and stalkers after 1-2 dates.
The problem you are facing
All these make women wary. Their defence mechanism kicks in, and they become careful in their online interactions not to reveal too much. For the men who are very good at online dating, they deal with this issue simply by having a good vibe. This means that their personality is strong enough to be carried across the virtual world into the real world, where the woman feels them through their words.
But for someone who is completely new to online dating, and needs to grasp the underlying implications of portraying themselves effectively in the virtual world, they do not possess that vibe that allows them to transcend the barriers beyond words.
Simply because when you are learning a new skill, your natural instinct is to navigate those skills with a mindset of caution. Most people will test the waters, see how things work before they immerse themselves fully.
This cautious mindset creates an uncertainty in the self, which in turn, creates an uncertainty in women, who feels the vibe you are portraying. They cannot feel assured then, that whoever they are meeting is actually someone safe and proper, someone whom they can trust. As a result, they tend to be less enthusiastic in the interaction. When the man asks her out for a date, she cannot reciprocate with the same level of energy because she wants to adopt a wait-and-see attitude.
This does not mean that she doesn’t find you attractive. She just doesn’t feel like she can trust you enough yet. The saving grace for most men is that intuitively, they understand they need to back off and be patient. Unfortunately for the men who are immersed in the dating systems they have adopted – in an attempt to fix their loveless lives – they brush aside their intuition and adopt the logical mind. So they persist.
They think that they need a new line to feed her with, to convince her that the date is good for the both of them. What they don’t recognise, is that they really just need to step back, and convey to her that she has absolutely nothing to worry about.
Taking a step back may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s implications are far more better for you in the eyes of the woman. You are implying to her that you are not desperate, and that translates subconsciously that you are not of stalker material. It also tells her that you have more important things to occupy your time with, instead of being obsessed over her.
Turning the situation around
What I would do in such situations is simply, act as if it’s normal for you to go through the process slowly.
There is no need to talk about it with her. There’s no need to reiterate time and again that you understand her viewpoint, that you get that online dating can be dangerous for the lady, etc.
If she tells you that she would rather wait to give you her number, you just say “I understand” once, and that’s it.
From that point on, you continue the conversation as if nothing had happened.
But you will have to “up your game“. Fact is, whatever you’ve been doing up to that point hasn’t worked, so you will need to convey to her that giving you her number is the right decision to make.
This means if you were funny before, you have to be funnier now. If you were interacting with her on the surface level, you’ll want to go deeper now. Your personality and lifestyle has to be more prominent and attractive to her now.
Everything will have to start from you. You cannot go about this approach by asking her more questions about herself, and hoping that she will open up SOMEHOW. We do not operate on chance or luck. We create the process for her to open up. You initiate that process by portraying yourself better.
It may sound obnoxious, but it’s not. Why we can get women to build rapport with us is because we state our values and beliefs in a very likeable manner. It gets them to see us as cool. They understand, from how we portray ourselves, that we are naturally likeable, and they can relate to whatever we are talking about.
From there, trust is built. And if she reckons that you could give her a good time, she will not have any qualms about giving you her number. After that, the only thing you need to do is NOT fuck it up. When the date comes around, you just have to be your best self, wash, rinse and repeat (at the very least) whatever you’ve been doing, and you’re good to go.
And if you are truly concerned about giving her a memorable experience, plan the date well, and let the magic happen. After that, you just might find her wanting to see you again a second time, and more.