There are many factors to why she didn’t reply.
But the most common one is… you sound the same as every guy she’s matched with.
Change that, by creating an enjoyable conversation.
Apply the concept of the Ladder of Yeses.
Imagine this.
You’re chatting with a beautiful match from Tinder. She’s your type, and you’d love to meet her in person.
You’ve sent about 3-5 texts already. She’s replying well, and you don’t wanna waste your time chatting too much before the good vibe dies off.
So you propose a date. Or perhaps you suggest getting her number to arrange a date on text.
At this point, she either stops replying (a.k.a ghosts the fuck out of you)… or tells you she wishes to chat a bit more on the app first before taking things forward.
Some of you may know this already, but it’s a common situation for every man out there who’s dating online.
In fact, it has happened so many times it feels as if women are only looking for validation from dating apps.
That is partly true, because there are women who really just want to feel attractive and need constant reassurances about it.
There are also many more women who are seeking a date. It may be something long-term or casual, but they are definitely searching for a good match.
So why is she ghosting you when you ask for her number or a date?
There are many different reasons to why that can happen. But in my experience… this is the most common one:
As much as you would like to get her number or the date quickly, so that neither of you waste your time texting forever, most men are doing the same too.
You end up being one of hundreds (or thousands) of men who all sound the same and offer nothing different from each other.
And all of them are seeking to meet her in the same 24 hours that everyone has each day.
So she tries to slow things down instead. By suggesting she wants to get to know you better over text first.
Unfortunately, that leads to another problem.
Most men end up not being able to sustain her interest long enough. Or… before they get her interested enough, they try to jump the gun again by going for the date.
Before I answer that, I want you to really visualize in your mind another scenario.
Let’s say you matched with a lovely girl from one of the dating apps… say, Bumble.
You made an interesting observation with your opener, and within a few texts, the both of you quickly get a good momentum going.
You’re smiling as you’re texting her. And you know she’s smiling too, because her replies are fast. She’s invested in the conversation as well, and she’s giving you back the banter you’re throwing out.
It’s obvious you’re having fun texting each other. The vibe’s great.
The both of you see eye to eye on a lot of the small conversational threads you have. Some of them includes common interests. For example, you discover she enjoys dancing as much as you do.
(Or switch that interest with something you truly enjoy in your own life.)
You use the interest to suggest the both of you should get a date going, and have a fun challenge while you’re at it. See who’s better.
She says yes enthusiastically, and the both of you set a date for a week later.
As the date approaches, you text her 2-3 times more. Each time you text, the both of you have a fun time. It’s plenty of laughs and jokes.
Never a boring moment.
The date comes. She doesn’t flake. The both of you have a great time, and who knows, maybe you kissed at the end of the night. Or she ended up spending the night at your place.
Let’s break things down a little bit.
She came across your profile and liked what she saw — “Yes, he seems like someone I’d talk to.”
When you messaged her with your opener, she found it unique — “Yes, he made a good impression.”
When your conversation was going well:
“Yes, we have common interests.”
“Yes, we sure seem to vibe very well with each other.”
“Yes, he is funny and fun!”
“Yes, I think I’d like to see how this goes in person. We should go on a date.”
Notice how she was constantly saying yes to you.
It’s like a ladder of yeses, from the smallest (“Yes, he seems like someone I’d talk to”), to a big yes (“Yes, I think I’d like to see how this goes in person. We should go on a date.”).
Your interaction with her was progressive.
And as she got to know you more and the interaction got better, she became more likely and willing to say yes… because you did not give her a reason to say no.
It felt great every step of the way. And she absolutely fucking loved it. You became different from every other guy out there.
In such a scenario, the both of you are winners.
I asked you to imagine the above because I want you to think about your interactions with your Tinder/Bumble/dating app matches.
What have you been doing that led to your match ghosting you, especially when you try and get her number or the date?
Has it been the same as the above scenario?
If it’s not been the same, then here’s an idea…
Try to create the same scenario with your current interactions.
Be different from every other guy out there. Don’t rush to get her number.
Tease her first. Deliberately misinterpret what she says in a fun way. Challenge her and say you don’t think she can handle you.
Build more togetherness at the same time. Lead the conversation away from information exchanging.
Make things more fun and playful for the both of you.
Create more quick rapport, and connect better with her.
Foreshadow your common interests.
When all that is done, get her number. And then the date.
You just might be surprised at how your matches stop being flakey, and you end up getting more dates.
