There seems to be a template in many men’s minds for how online dating should work.
That it should be the same like how you would meet a woman in person. You start by asking them how they are or how’s their day, and then small-talking into finding out more about them. Or guiding the conversation towards a common interest.
Can this work? Absolutely.
Is it more effective over the long run?
I like to think today’s post in this series will give you the definitive answer.
As a person, I’ve always been naturally playful and mischievous. I tease my friends, I banter with them, and I am generally unserious unless necessary. I even say things sometimes to self amuse.
I am the same way with women.
But I’ve had times when I weren’t playful, and in those moments, the interactions rarely go well.
And because my brain likes to pick things apart, I’ve learnt being playful does so many things for the interaction and relationship.
It actually helps make the woman feel more at ease and comfortable with me. That allows her to shine as well. The positive emotions build trust and helps the conversation move forward easier.
People also unconsciously interpret playful behaviours as evidence of intelligence, creativity, emotional stability, social confidence and low aggression.
I wasn’t aware this served as a subtext of the positive qualities a woman might look for in a romantic partner back then.
It is no coincidence or luck then, I eventually ended up on a date with Gemma after our witty banter on Tinder and Telegram.
We were simply two idiots indulging in fancy and pretentious wordplay.
But beneath the wordplay is the subtext that I am fun and good company. That I am quick on my feet and smart enough to keep up with her.
My mischief helped as well, since it was obvious she was the same. That’s why she said “… maybe I’ve found the osteopath of my dreams”.
The mischief and fun energy made her want to keep things going.
“And how have you been a terror lately?” was her way of doing so. We didn’t engage on an information exchanging level where we shared about each other’s day.
We didn’t try to find out whether we had any common interests either.
It was simply a whole lot of playfulness and smart-assery.
That led to us flirting. She started by saying she may “happen to have a spot empty beside me in hell”.
I flirted back with, “I’d love to sit beside you then. But we’re gonna take up 2 spots each. Just because we can.”
The vibe was already unlike other matches she’s had.
It was easy for me to pick things up again after that.
That’s why when I did, it was to suggest the idea of a date — “We gotta start terrorizing people together soon…”
You’ll notice it was a bit of a callback to our previous conversation, while leading the interaction forward at the same time.
It was a short and brief one, but we made tentative plans. Nothing complicated.
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3 simple steps for going from match to date — the conversation game-plan behind this playful energy.
When I reached out again, it was merely to confirm plans.
She actually initiated it for me — “Where is good for Tuesday? My last call ends 6.45pm or so.”
That’s what fun and playfulness can do. The woman is happy to confirm plans with you because she had a great time texting.
After that, it was a matter of settling our logistics — time and place.
I kept the mischief going with… “More time to wreak havoc on others after that huh?”
And then on the day itself, I re-initiated the conversation — “See ya later at wine”.
More banter after that.
I sent her a skit by Key and Peele about two people miscommunicating via text, with Peele showing up wanting to bash Key’s head in with a baseball bat.
It was a gambit from me to get some humour going. Getting the vibe up before the date.
That was it.
No flaking. Just a good and fun time texting while leading up to the moment we met.
The date started well because of the texting. It was all smiles and laughs from the moment we set eyes on each other.
Conclusion
A lot of men think texting is merely for arranging the date, but women sometimes need a lot more assurance than we do.
So they try to chat a bit more before agreeing to meet up.
Nothing is ever a guarantee, but they want to do their best to avoid situations where their date might turn out to be a dud or they end up not enjoying themselves.
The best way to overcome their doubts is to make the interaction fun and enjoyable.
Because when they are uncertain, they flake.
If you give off good energy and have fun with them on text, it lends them more confidence they just might enjoy your presence in person.
And if the interaction is especially good, it can even make her feel the anticipation for the date.
I’ve had that happen to me several times where women will just ask me out instead of waiting for me to initiate.
This is not luck. It is what you can achieve when you know what you’re doing, and you do it well.
You can have the same results too.
Just by following the guidelines I’ve set out for you.
The best part? You don’t have to go through the hundreds of rejections that I personally faced.
The question is… are you willing to let your playful side shine?
