I’ve been spending an unhealthy amount of time on Reddit.

To my credit, a lot of that time goes to answering men’s questions on dating. That was also when I realized I had never addressed in detail something important about dating app conversations.

It’s a very basic and simple issue.

But most men don’t see it as one, because they believe it’s the normal way to communicate.

Unfortunately, they forget that words become more limited and precious with online dating.

Fortunately, by tweaking some simple steps in our conversation, we can make her want to invest more into the interaction… which helps us get her number and the date eventually.

But before we start with the solution, I want you to recognise the problem. The conversation below is a good example:

At first glance, this is a normal conversation. Nothing stands out. There are also no red flags that would make her run away.

I want you to pay attention to the vibe though. So read it again, and really focus on what the vibe feels like.

I’ll wait…

.

.

.

How did it feel?

If your answer is “nothing”, then you are exactly right.

The start was decent, but the rest of the conversation did nothing. If this continued with the same type of texts, the conversation will die a slow death.

That’s because both of them were “information exchanging”.

She shared some information about herself, and he reciprocated with more of the same. Nothing more.

Information exchanging is one of the most boring ways of having a conversation ever.

Both parties are merely spitting out facts about themselves the other person doesn’t care about.

Here’s what I mean:

“I am doing good, I’ve just been staying at one of my family friend’s places for a few weeks, having a bit of a holiday before I properly settle down in <location>”

Compare the above with this hypothetical reply instead:

“I reckon you can celebrate the end of unpacking by discussing potential date activities with a Tinder match. I happen to know someone who might be interested…”

Instead of “information exchanging”, you get a little flirting going. As well as a suggestion to see how receptive she is to talking about going on dates.

Let’s keep going. Here’s another response from the above conversation:

“Oh that’s cool, I’m sure you know some good spots to chill and grab food then, it’s good you’ve family there too that must make moving a lot easier I know I would’ve been lost if I didn’t know anyone here”

The first part could have been a good beginning that leads to arranging a date. But instead of following through, this man decided to talk about “having family that makes moving a lot easier”.

What if he had replied this way instead?

“Between us, you’re clearly the expert. But I love exploring, and you seem like the same too. Can I trust you with my life when we go on adventures together?”

Here, I am telling her I love to explore. That gives her a hint of my personality. My last statement adds some humour and potentially gives us the topic of what adventures to go on, as well as an opportunity to lead those “adventures” towards a date.

Another way of looking at the original response versus my hypothetical reply is… which one do you think gives off a better vibe?

And that’s with a simple tweak in the way I message. Instead of sounding like my words are wandering with no direction, I am actively moving it forward.

Here’s a second example of “information exchanging”:

So one of the problems with this conversation is the questions asked by the man. They encourage the woman to tell him things that don’t help him move the conversation forward.

Don’t get me wrong. The start was fine. Asking where she was headed for the sunrise hike would have worked, if she replied with where she went. Then, he could have led the conversation to activities the both of them like to do.

But I can understand why she didn’t tell him, because she may be afraid of getting stalked on the hiking trail.

His questions after that didn’t help though. For example, knowing what she does for a living. He should ask this on the date instead.

So even though he managed to get her number, the more the conversation progressed, the more it felt like conversation for the sake of it, rather than having purpose.

(Don’t even get me started on that pointless bit about the laundry.)

And of course, it was not surprising when she stopped replying.

In Part 2 of this series, I show you how to overcome this problem of “information exchanging”.

I also hope this gave you an insight into why women stop replying sometimes. In the meantime, you want to read this post that will help you build a quick connection with your Tinder match.