Qualification does not work. Unless you fix certain fundamentals in your game.
These fundamentals will save you the trouble of not being believable when you’re qualifying the woman.
If you are a Pickup Artist (PUA), this post is for you.
As men who want to get better with women, all of us know there are plenty of dating coaches who teach different methods to getting us the love life we want.
I believe there is no one true way. There are some very effective methods, and it’s worked wonders for plenty of you.
But this post is not about that.
This post is about a recurring problem I’ve seen over the years from other men “practising” their skillsets.
In fact, this is a problem because of bad coaching and if you’re learning on your own… terrible learning.
Is it your fault though? No.
You simply don’t know what you don’t know.
And if you’re new to the concept of Qualification, please do not skim this post but read it properly.
Here goes.
The biggest problem with Qualification is the mindset that it’s something you have to do to get the woman to like you eventually.
Read that again, if you can’t quite understand what I mean.
One of the major yet mind-blowingly commonsense lessons I’ve learnt in my 15 years of experience — something many other dating coaches don’t tell you because they don’t understand this themselves — is that women are attracted to / love you for who you are. Not what you do.
And definitely NOT because you qualified her well or you ran an excellent Qualification routine, and it made her think you’re a high-value man.
What most PUAs don’t realize is…
If you want your Qualification to work, your vibe and image has to be believable first.
The lines you use to qualify her does not matter, if your vibe and image don’t match with what you say.
Because words can be inconsistent. But vibe and image are the strongest indicators of who you really are.
Here’s an example.
Imagine 2 different men, Maurice Moss from The IT Crowd and Jacob Palmer from Crazy Stupid Love.
Who do you think is more believable when they try and show a woman they aren’t so easily won over just because she’s physically attractive?
Do you see how this works?
Here’s the tricky thing. Both require long-term solutions.
Although vibe and image can be faked to a certain extent, they are also very quickly found out. The moment you start getting comfortable with the woman you’re dating, that’s when the real you starts showing.
If you wish to have relationships that last beyond the first few dates, then you want to work on your vibe and image.
The quickest way to have a good vibe is to simply have fun.
A fun vibe always attracts people, because everyone loves to have fun.
So if you are heading out for the night to meet women, the first thing you wanna do is let go of any internal pressure to make something happen.
Focus purely on having fun.
Find a group of friends who have good positive energy. No Debbie Downers allowed. Anyone with a low or dead energy needs to be told to stay home (for a start anyway).
Ideally, someone in your group should have a “life of the party” type of energy. This person will be the one who infects everyone with their high energy. If you can’t find someone like that, it’s not a deal breaker. You can still create this energy, so long as everyone is vibing with one another.
A good way to lift yourself up before the night out as well… is to listen to music that makes you feel inspired or motivated. This helps get you in “the zone”.
Next, you want to have a game plan. Having a clear strategy on how you can meet someone, knowing how to lead your interaction with them (Awareness Development) and what to say (Natural Conversation System) to vibe and connect well with them… will give you a sense of confidence.
If you wish to create a good game plan, then get on a free 1-hour Clarity Consult with me and we’ll discuss how to do that.
Lastly, you want to convey the traits of your image with the 4 Key Vibes, which makes her want to see you again.
In order to create an image true to yourself, you have to understand what an archetype is and what is yours first.
An archetype is a character that you embody, with traits that are authentic to you.
The Bad Boy is a very classic and simple example of an attractive archetype. Other examples of archetypes include the Finance Bro, the Nerd, and the Artsy Hippe.
You need to find out for yourself what personality traits you have, and those will inform you what your archetype is.
If you are a nerd or a geek, it doesn’t mean your archetype is unattractive. It just means you need to refine it, and embody attractive traits that women will fancy.
For example, you can be masculine and also a nerd.
After you’ve understood what your archetype is, you want to enhance your image externally. The first thing to do here is change or refine your fashion style.
That means you want to wear outfits that complement your archetype. You want to look like your identity is well-defined. More importantly, you want to look completely at ease with who you are (vibe).
Your next step is to write down what you want your social life and lifestyle to look like. Have a very clear vision of that.
A lifestyle you enjoy not only gives you interesting things to talk about, but by extension, it also makes you interesting. You become a person who has much to offer others (high-value).
Same goes for your social life. You need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, what type of social life you want.
For example, what type of social circles do you want to have?
What value does each of them offer you and the people you bring into it?
Who are the types of people you would want to have in your life?
Your lifestyle and social life will enable you to meet more women, and with an interesting lifestyle, it is much easier to attract and keep them in your life.
All of these will help you develop an attractive identity. Unfortunately, none of them are quick fixes.
They require a deliberate attempt on your part to create a life you can be proud of, one you can eagerly introduce to the women you meet and let them into, without being embarrassed about it. And that can’t be solved by simple lines you throw at a woman.
Qualifying a woman is not as simple as using a routine, or letting her win you over with her personality.
Sure, you can have standards for the women you wish to date. But those standards need to be backed by credibility.
If you’re stuttering and you come across as if you’re overawed by her, she’s absolutely not going to believe she needs to win you over. Nothing you say then will be believable.
So focus on improving your person.
This will change the way you interact with her, and you will be more natural instead of having to behave a certain way to get her interested.
A lot of other problems you encounter in your dating journey will go away as well (e.g. getting ghosted all the time, lack of consistency in your game).
And if she’s convinced by what she sees and feels from your vibe and image, she’ll know you’re the kinda man she’s always wanted to meet.
