Always lead the conversation.
Start by building togetherness.
Use Quick Rapport to create a simple connection.
Her frequent holidays meant I should go for the date when the opportunity presented itself.
Be adaptable. That’s how I met her on the day we exchanged numbers, instead of the arranged date.
But there’s one added component I haven’t talked about yet. This will come in a future article, but for now, I’ll highlight it in this case study instead.
It is the concept of Leading.
A lot of people out there prefer to follow, so… if you want someone to follow you, just lead.
This means you’re in control of the interaction. Good or bad, it falls on you.
Huge responsibility? Indeed. But as the man, you’re expected to lead.
So let’s take a look at how we do that, with the example below…
Trisha (not her real name) is a lovely Brazilian lady living in Singapore.
On Bumble, she has to send me the first message.
I always encourage adaptability. That means… you go with the flow and adapt to the situation. At times.
In this situation, Trisha had sent the above message and I immediately laid the groundwork for my foreshadow with my reply.
Her response was great. Gave me plenty to work with. I asked about her holiday trip to [redacted], and then answered her question.
Nothing fanciful, but I made sure to build togetherness with “… both of us can make this conversation…”.
I then quickly went into building Quick Rapport with a relationship belief by stating:
I like to think we both wanted each other equally much. That’s how relationships should be!
Since she was on holiday, I didn’t want to keep texting going on forever. I pushed her away with my next message. If she didn’t reply, I’d just do a follow up.
But I was quite confident she’d get back to me, because I pushed her away.
Because of her regular holidays, I knew texting might end up being a bit longer. So I settled with the alternative of getting a date faster.
When she mentioned she was gonna be in Singapore for the weekend, I saw the opportunity to arrange a date.
And I suspected she would rather meet sooner than later as well.
That risk I took turned out to be right.
So we quickly arranged a date.
But I had to lead by making that suggestion first — “Let’s do something”.
I then led again, by deciding the time and place.
She threw a possible obstacle into our potential plans by asking if I’d kill or join her if she went on an impromptu trip, but I was unfazed.
There was no need to answer her logically also, so I made a playful comment by saying:
I mean that depends on what kinda relationship we’re going for. If you like it violent… 😏
It was a fine line to tread since it’s online, but I knew she could see the humour in it since she was the one who initiated “kill me or join me”.
But I also didn’t want to meet her if she was down for something serious. In her profile, she had listed “Not sure yet” under “Looking For”, so I decided to ask.
With that out of the way, and plans to meet the next night, it was only natural for me to get her Whatsapp (leading).
When she agreed with me by stating “I think that’s what I ideally want”, I capitalized on that agreement by asking for her number.
The next step after getting her Whatsapp was to message her.
This is where most guys would do the typical “Hi, this is [name] from Bumble”.
That works, of course.
But you are making it difficult for yourself to continue the conversation’s good momentum when you start like that.
I prefer to let the good vibe keep going, by leading again.
So I did a simple callback with my first message on Whatsapp, a reference to her last message on Bumble.
She obviously found it funny, and asked for my real photos, because my photos on Bumble were apparently too polished.
Again, there was no need for me to respond to her seriously. This, to me, was banter. It was also a bit of a test on her end, but I dealt with it by being playful.
And there you have it. A very simple example on how to get the woman’s phone number.
Lead, lead and lead.
My mentor used to say:
You lead until the day you die.
… and I subscribe to that belief. It has made dating a lot simpler for me as well.
You’ll also notice I didn’t really do a lot of foreshadowing with Trisha. Instead, I was more direct.
It goes back to what I mentioned earlier about adaptability. You wanna be efficient when it truly matters, not dogmatic about rules.
So I hope you learnt something with this simple guide. Comment below if you think this has helped you with your texting!